There are dates that tend to stick with us forever; birthdays, holidays, anniversaries… and for me I will always remember the day I decided to change my life for the better FOREVER. Eighteen months ago I decided it was time to take back my life, and start taking care of myself. I had a doctor’s appointment on October 19th where I weighed in at the highest weight I had ever seen on a scale (although I doubt it was my highest weight, but I refused to own a scale for many years. It’s called denial… 😳) Two weeks before I had cropped myself out of a picture from Braydon’s birthday because I was horrified, and ashamed of the way I looked. It was time to make a change, and there was no time to waste!
For as long as I can remember I have never made myself a priority. My husband, kids, house, and anyone or anything else I could take on in order to not have to focus on how far I had let myself go cane first. I was using food to cope with long deployments, separation from family, and the day to day stresses of life. Working out was not something I seriously considered, and diet was not a word that existed in my vocabulary. I just kept telling myself that the weight would come off eventually. Yet after years of believing this lie I told myself, I realized that it was time for me to make a change before it was too late.
I drove home from the doctors office that day in tears. How had I let myself reach 200.6 pounds? Until this point ihad convinced myself that if I was under 200 pounds it wasn’t really THAT bad. Before I pulled back into my driveway I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what I needed to do, and that night I joined Weight Watchers, and I was going to begin the Horry to becoming a skinnier me. I spent countless hours looking up point-friendly foods, tips and tricks, and stumbled upon an amazing group of women on Instagram known as the #wwsisterhood. These women became one of the greatest support systems I’ve ever known.
From the very first week I started losing weight, and and was feeling AMAZING! As the weeks passed I noticed that my efforts to lose weight and become healthier were snowballing. I was walking five days a week, going to the gym that we had been a member of for months, but never actually went to, and time and time again was chosing healthy food over my favorite go-to junk foods.
Now keep in mind that I have NEVER stuck to a workout plan or diet for more than two weeks, so the fact that I made it out of the first month was a HUGE accomplishment, but when I made it to six months I was astounded! Who had I become?! Not only was I maintaining this healthy lifestyle, but I was also starting to run. 😱 I have never run in my life, except for the few times in PE when I had absolutely no other choice. Running voluntarily was a first, and running multiple miles was a feat I had never been able to wrap my mind around before, let alone believe that it was something I could do.
Along the way there have been plateaus, and gains, but never once have I given up. What started out as a journey to lose weight, get skinny and to reach my dream goal weight has become a lifestyle change where the only things that matter are how I feel, how I fuel my body and that I am constantly working towards a new goal and pushing myself harder. I have learned that the scale is not what determines my success, and that it’s perfectly fine if I never reach 135 pounds. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when the fact that I have run a half marathon, and have gone from a size 16 to a size 6 doesn’t matter at all because I’m not where I wanted to be when I stated 18 months ago. There are days when the scale tells me that I’m not working hard enough, not eating well enough because I haven’t lost enough. But the reality is that I have worked my ass off (literally and figuratively), and the scale doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about!
I am no longer doing Weight Watchers, but sticking to a 80/20 clean eating/whole foods diet. After a round of Whole30 last summer, and using Weight Watchers Simply Filling technique for several months I have found that this is what works best for me, and what makes me happiest. I couldn’t see myself counting points, counting calories or measuring and weighing everything I eat for the rest of my life. Instead I am fueling my body with whole foods, healthy fats and the occasional bowl of ice cream! 🍦 Balance is key, and I have found what works for me!
So today I refuse to step on the scale, or break out the tape measure to see how far I have come in the past 18 months (or how far I have to go), instead I will celebrate all of the things I have achieved in the last year and a half, all of the goals I have crushed, and all of the confidence and self love I have gained! I may never reach 135 pounds, and I am okay with that. I am 31 years old, have had 4 amazing kids, am in the best shape of my life, have lost 45 pounds and am EXTREMELY proud of myself!
Oh, and that picture as I cropped myself out of… I saved that outfit, and I use it to remind myself of just how far I have come. It sits on the top shelf of my closet, and every once in a whole I take it down as a reminder of all of my hard work and what I never want to let myself get back to.